Making Time with your Spouse while Raising Kids
Every year, my husband and I ask ourselves the same question: how can we make more time for one another?
Three years ago, I left the workforce and became a homemaker to raise our newborn daughter who is now diagnosed with cerebral palsy. The transition felt like a prolonged vacation for the first few months, and quality time with my husband was effortless because we could pack a day’s worth of formula, install the car seat in his work truck, and ride around as his passenger princesses while he worked on rooftops. As our daughter grew, so did the care she required, and the days of being a passenger princess became less and less of an occurrence. When she turned 1, it seemed like my schedule was packed from the crack of dawn to dusk. From therapies to doctor appointments, my husband and I seemed to only see each other in the evenings. This eventually caught up to me, and before I knew it, I resented him, felt unsupported, unheard, and unloved. Of course, all of that was as far from being true as it could be, but that’s how the devil snuck his way into my mind, my heart, and my marriage. Many couples today experience something similar to this, and our society over time has become less and less traditional when it comes to marriage, including upholding the value of quality time.
“Quality time” gets overcomplicated at times, because quality time can mean different things to different people. These differences can often cause friction in marriages. As an example, my definition of quality time is actively engaging with someone, while my husband’s idea of quality time is being present with that person, regardless of the activity or level of engagement.
So, what can we do when we feel the weight of a busy lifestyle starts to rob us from cherishing our spouses and prioritizing time with them? It sounds silly, but spending time in the presence of God can make ALL of the difference for your marriage, regardless of how busy your individual lifestyles may be.
When we have a deep, intimate, personal relationship with the Lord, we’re able to recognize the attacks on our marriage more clearly, thus closing the gaps between us and our spouse when “life is lifing”.
Sometimes, marriages aren’t always 50/50. They may be 80/20, or any other fraction where one individual is sacrificing MORE than the other in order to create a healthier relationship overall. There were (and still are) plenty of times where my husband sacrificed watching a football game so that we could do something more intimate with each other, like play a card game, or spend time in God’s Word. Instead of focusing on how many times you’re the 80 and your spouse is the 20, focus on the closeness that God gifts your marriage with. There are enough uphill battles for a marriage to go up against, this one isn’t worth it.
